Consequences
by Ryuzaki-L-Lawliet
Summary: This is basically a "What if" fic, about L and Light. It takes place after the events following Watari's death, and what happens is what if L didn't die and had his name written by several shinigami at once?
1. Chapter 1

Untitled

**Untitled**

The weather was wet and cold, it had been that was for a few days now. The task forces mood matched the dreary weather outside; they were beginning to wonder if they would ever find Kira. All of them were beginning to lose hope, L sighed deeply as he began to spin around in his chair. Light stared at him watching the chain to the handcuffs wrap around him and L. L however did not seem to notice until he couldn't move, he shifted his gaze towards Light his expression remained unchanged.

"Well, this is a bit of a problem."

L tugged at the chain that was now completely wrapped around, Light was also wrapped within the confines of the chain. He sighed those dark eyes moving towards Matsuda.

"Matsu-Kun, could you please call Watari for me? I need the keys for these handcuffs and I can't reach my own pockets."

Matsuda blinked slowly, he was being asked by L to actually do something useful. L heaved another sigh, squirming slightly.

"Today Matsuda, I have work that needs to get done."

Matsuda hurried to the intercom and pressed the button to call Watari; L leaned forward and spoke into the microphone.

"Watari?"

The W came onto the screen, then a few seconds later Watari was there pictured on the large computer screen.

"Yes?"

L glanced down at the predicament that he and Light were in, his cheeks flushed slightly. On the large screen Watari quirked a brow seeing the issue that L and Light were both having.

"Well, I need an extra set of keys for these handcuffs immediately."

Watari nodded and the screen went blank. L groaned he was slightly embarrassed by the whole situation but he tried to not let it show. The rest of the force was trying to hold back snickers of amusement, L spun in his chair to face them and poor Light stumbled as he was violently yanked.

"Whoever laughs is going to be in trouble."

They smirked as they nodded, but they knew L's words meant nothing. Watari finally arrived with the keys; placing them into the cuffs he began to untangle L and Light. Once done he took the keys and the cuffs with him. Light rubbed his wrists; he was finally free of the cuffs. He could leave if he wanted to, but for some reason he knew that he needed to stay. L sighed deeply, as he had been in a rather dark mood lately. It wasn't easy for the others to tell but Light knew that L seemed different. L stood quietly and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I'll be outside on the roof thinking."

Silently he made his way towards the door, the other task force members watched him as he did so. A worried expression crossed Light's face; L was acting rather strange tonight. Only Light would have noticed it, he was closer to L than anyone and knew his moods. L was not acting normal and hadn't been for awhile, and he always had a sad far-off expression in his eyes. Light glanced at his father who shrugged his shoulders, then moved his gaze back to the door to the roof that was slowly closing.

**+LXL+**

L exited the building and stepped out onto the rooftop, the rain was really coming down hard but he paid no attention to it. He made his way closer to the edge of the roof lifting his gaze towards the sky. The rain had soaked through his clothes, he was shivering but still he made no move to return to the warmth of the building. Thoughts raced through his head, he wondered if he should even continue with the Kira investigation, L was sure that Light was Kira but he had no evidence to back up that accusation. His hands balled into fists in the pockets of his jeans, but not having evidence was not what was bothering him. He closed his eyes, tilting his face upwards and letting the cold rain fall onto his face. L's biggest issue was that he was in love with Light and those emotions were clouding his ability to think clearly. He slowly opened his eyes and heaved a sigh. Tears mixed with rain rolled down his cheeks, how could he tell him? What would the other task force members think, especially Light's father? And Misa she was a big problem. He chewed his lower lip silently cursing himself for getting emotionally involved, especially with his top suspect.

**+LXL+**

The shinigami peered through the portal to the human world watching the events unfold eagerly Ryuk was certainly with an interesting human, many things were happening. But right now their eyes were focused on the one named "L", he was in complete turmoil.

"Oh, this is interesting."

One commented seeing the events unfold on the rooftop of the task force building, the continued to peer at "L" watching every move he made.

"So this is the one that Ryuk's human wishes to kill? A pity."

The shinigami sighed tilting his head to the side, a smirk appearing on his lips.

"He is a pretty one."

The rest of them nodded in agreement.

**+LXL+**

Light sighed heavily, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. He was going to try and talk to L hoping he could get some answers from him. He slowly made his way towards the door that L exited through. He wasn't looking forward to getting wet; the chill of the day had already sunk into his bones.

"I'll go check on him."

He pulled open the door and exited letting it fall closed behind him. As he made his way up the stairs, he could hear the rain hitting the roof. The wind had picked up as well, in the distance a church bell tolled; it was a sad mournful sound. Light snorted thinking bitterly that it set the mood for the day. He reached the top of the stairs, shoving the metal door open and stepped out onto the roof. He squinted as the rain splashed his face, his eyes searched for L, it was hard to see through the rain, but he finally spotted his near the ledge.

"Ryuzaki?"

No response, he sighed knowing he'd have to be a slight bit louder.

"Ryuzaki!!"

Finally L turned his head and spotted him.

"Ryuzaki, why don't you come back inside?"

L moved his hand to his ear; he couldn't hear Light very well over the wind and rain. Light groaned and made his way towards L, the rain soaking through his clothes. L watched him approach the look on his face remained the same, and he still had that sad far-off look in his eyes. Light placed a hand on his shoulder, he wasn't sure why L was acting in this manner, and it was very unlike him.

"L, what is it?"

L averted his gaze towards the city below them, even though it was pouring rain it was still a beautiful sight to see.

"Nothing…Light."

He sighed he knew L was lying, but if he didn't want to talk about it-Light knew it did no good to push him, that would make L close himself off even more. Light gently squeezed his shoulder, L moved a hand up to cover Light's.

"L, why don't you come inside, it's freezing out here."

Light removed his hand and headed back towards the door L followed him slowly. Once the two entered Light grabbed the towels he had brought, he knew they'd both need them. He sat on the steps and removed his shoes; he was soaked to the bone. Before he could move L was on his knees drying his feet with his own towel, his eyes went wide at the gesture, water splashed onto Light's flesh. Light took his own towel, leaning forward he gently wiped some of the water off L's face and hair. L lifted his head and gazed softly at him, his eyes were so full of sadness it nearly broke Light's heart. They sat there gazing softly at each other for awhile.

**+LXL+**

The shinigami leaned closer to the portal, a brow quirking.

"This is getting good."

Another tilted its head, nodding in agreement.

"I wonder what will happen next."

One snorted, rolling its eyes in disgust.

"Human love, disgusting. But I cannot seem to stop watching."

The quieted down and continued to view the events that were unfolding in the portal before them.

**+LXL+**

Light reached down with his freehand and placed it on the side of L's face. There were streaks of water running down his cheeks, Light wasn't sure if it was actually water or tears. L made no sound he just let Light touch him, there was so much tenderness in that simple gesture that L was beginning to wonder if Light was Kira, but he knew that there was a 99.8 probability that Light was Kira. That thought had broken L's heart and he made a vow to not let his personal feelings interfere with this case but he had failed. L the world's greatest detective had fallen for the number one suspect in the Kira-case. Light gave him a soft smile and tilted his head, removing his hand from L's cheek.

"Let's get back inside and crack this case, Ryuzaki."

He headed back into the building and L followed behind him. The made their way silently down the stairs and back to headquarters, the task force members glanced at them. L walked to his chair, perching in it quietly. He cleared his throat and began to look through files and video footage for some type of evidence to convict Light, the rest of the members went back to work. L sighed heavily as he went through pages of evidence.

"There has to be something that I'm missing."

He lifted his hand, thumb rested on his lower lip.

"Watari?"

Watari's image flashed onto the screen before L.

"Yes?"

Suddenly Watari's eyes went wide; his breath came in short gasps. His hand went to his chest as he began to hunch over, L's eyes went wide as did Light's. The rest of the task force emitted a series of short gasps seeing the events transpire on the screen.

"Watari!? What's wrong!?"

Watari couldn't speak, he reached dup with the last bit of strength that he had and pushed a button.

**FILES DELETED**

Flashed onto the screen, Light gasped his eyes moving back to L.

**+LXL+**

Rem heaved a sigh as Watari hit the ground dead, she had done it for Misa. Now the final task, she was already beginning to fade out of existence, she then began to write down L Lawliet in her scrawling writing.

**+LXL+**

The shingami were hunched over the portal watching as soon as the saw Rem begin to write down L's name, they began to write it down as well. L's name suddenly became written in four notebooks at the same time.

**+LXL+**

"What's going on!?"

L was trying his best to remain calm; he knew what was going on.

"I've instructed Watari to delete all files in the event that something should happen."

L's toes wiggled slightly as he took a deep breath.

"Where the shini…."

His eyes went wide, he felt like his chest was exploding. His spoon dropped from his hand clattering onto the floor, soon everything became a haze as he fell to the side towards the ground. Light gasped leaping forward; he grabbed L in his arms before he hit the ground. The task force began to crowd around the two, L was shaking in Light's arms. His eyes were huge and his pupils were two small pinpoints. They fixed on Light's face which began to contort into an evil twisted grin. L took one last gasping breath, his eyes slowly shut and a single tear rolled down his cheek as he became completely limp in Light's arms.

"Ryuzaki?"

Light's voice began to quiver as Kira left his mind once again; Matsuda knelt beside them he gnawed on his lower lip.

"Is he dead?"

Light glared at Matsuda, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Don't say that!!"

His voice sounded a lot harsher than he had meant it to, Matsuda recoiled somewhat. His eyes fixed on the floor.

"Just back off NOW! All of you! Back off right now!"

Matsuda stood and quietly made his way back towards Soichiro, he sighed and made his way to Light and the fallen L. He knelt down, placing a hand on his son's shoulder.

"Light, he's gone."

Light growled glaring at his father, his eyes flashing red.

"Stay away, you don't know that for sure! Stay the fuck away from him!"

Soichiro nodded and two task force members came forward and began to pry L's body from Light's arms, Soichiro and Matsuda grabbed Light to restrain him, Light struggled as L was removed from his arms.

"No!"

He was nearly hysterical as he was pulled away from L. A slight groan issued from the fallen L's lips and all actions topped, all eyes were on him.

"Ryuzaki?"

L's eyes fluttered open slowly, he moaned a bit. They released him back into Light's arms. But Light's eyes rolled back into his head as he passed out cold, Soichiro blinked glancing at Matsuda, who quickly grabbed L to make sure his head didn't hit the floor, Light however was completely out and limp in his father's arms. L Turned his head slowly, his eyes fixing on Light; he opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find his voice. He was vaguely aware of what just happened but his head was splitting and his chest felt as though it had been pounded on, it hurt to breathe. Tears formed in his eyes, he hurt so badly. Matsuda looked at Soichiro.

"We need an ambulance for both of them."

Soichiro nodded silently, he removed his cell from his pocket and dialed for and ambulance. L let his eyes fall shut again, he felt so weak and now that he knew Light was Kira for sure, that knowledge hurt more than anything.

**+LXL+**

The ambulance arrived; Light and L were both gently loaded into the back. Soichiro and Matsuda rode along with the two; Light's condition was stable and not very serious. They were both told that he had just fainted but they wanted to make sure that was all that had occurred as he had blacked out. L's condition however was much more serious and he was very unstable. At one point his heart had stopped and he had to be revived. Once the reached the hospital L had stabilized enough to be admitted into the ICU unit. Light was placed in his own private room. Soichiro and Matsuda sat in chairs at Light's bedside waiting for him to awaken; there were a lot of questions that needed to be answered.

A few hours passed and L was finally wheeled into the same room that Light was in; Matsuda blinked and made his way over to L's bedside. The nurses were busy hooking him up to various monitors and machines, an oxygen mask was placed over his nose and mouth.

"So, how is he?"

The nurse looked at Matsuda, tilting her head to the side, a serious look on her face.

"I'll give it to you straight; he is in extremely critical condition. And he's very lucky to even be alive at this point. He is going to be hooked up to these monitors for at least a week if not more."

Matsuda chewed on his lower lip, a sad look in his eyes. The nurse glanced at L and then back at Matsuda.

"Does he have any family that you know of?"

Matsuda lifted his head, he glanced over at Soichiro and then at Light. Then finally back to the nurse.

"Well, right now all he has is us."

The nurse nodded and finished hooking L up to the machines; Matsuda heaved a sigh and plopped into a chair at L's bedside. Light began to moan softly on the other side of the room, Soichiro stood and moved closer to his son's bedside. Light slowly opened his eyes, he began to blink them to focus; he glanced at his father with a groan.

"How long have I been out?"

Soichiro glanced at his watch on his wrist, then back to his son.

"A few hours at least."

Light slowly sat up, his head was pounding; he gasped suddenly a look of fear on his face. Soichiro blinked at him and tilted his head, concerned for his son. He gently placed a hand on Light's arm.

"Light? What is it?"

Light sat up and drew his knees to his chest, burying his face in them. He then let out an agonizing, heartbreaking cry. Matsuda blinked hearing Light, he stood and made his way towards his bed.

"Light? L's okay, he's in the same room as you are."

Light lifted his head hearing Matsuda's words, tears running down his cheeks. He sniffled then swallowed hard, turning his head towards the other bed in the room. His eyes widening.

"Ryuzaki?"

He seemed to relax, Soichiro glanced over at Matsuda. The younger investigator shrugged his shoulders, his eyes moved back towards Light who was still staring at L.

L laid flat on his back, his body was hooked up to numerous machines and monitors. An oxygen mask had been placed over his mouth and nose; his chest rose and fell slowly. His face was contorted in what seemed to be pain. Tears welled in Light's eyes once again, what had he done? It was his entire fault that L was in the state he was.

"Please leave, both of you. I need to be alone."

Light refused to look at his father or Matsuda, he didn't want either of them to see his tears, and Soichiro stood as did Matsuda.

"Very well Light, we'll return soon."

Light offered no response and the two left the room in silence, the door closing behind them.

"Ryuzaki."

His voice quivered, he was going to lose it again. Why did he care so much all of a sudden? He had wanted L dead in the first place, so why was he having reservations? He swung his feet over the side of the bed and began to stand slowly, his knees wobbled. Light waited until the feeling passed then slowly made his way to L's bedside. L's breath sounded raspy, he was defiantly having trouble breathing. Light glanced at the oxygen mask-it was probably the only thing keeping him alive. Light choked back a sob.

"What have I done?"

He reached and brushed a strand of stray hair from L's face, his hand shook as he let it come to rest on L's forehead. His skin felt clammy and sweat was beaded on his flesh, L moaned slightly and his pain contorted face seemed to relax. Light's face contorted into an evil smirk as he climbed up and onto the bed, straddling L he crouched over him. He moved his hands towards L's neck, his eyes narrowing.

"Damn you Ryuzaki!"

Light began to cackle, it was a manicle sort of laughter that bordered on insanity, and he rested his hands around L's neck.

"If I can't kill you one way, I'll have to do it with my bare hands!"

Light licked his lips as his hands began to shake, he just couldn't get them to do what he wanted to.

"Damn you Ryuzaki! I hate you! Why won't you just DIE!?"

He screamed it at the top of his lungs, his face was close to L's and his hands remained on his throat. L's eyes slowly opened fixing on Light; he raised his own hands up and locked them around Light's wrists. The oxygen mask slipping down in the struggle to shove Light off him.

"Why don't you tell me that Kira!?"

Light's eyes went wide as he heard L's voice, he was vaguely aware of his hands being pushed away. He was at a loss for words, L knew. How long had he known for? More importantly, how did he find out? Light growled his eyes narrowing into slits. L smirked which made Light even angrier, he wanted to choke him and wipe that smirk off his face. L had him and he knew it, and Light wasn't happy about that.

"The fact of the matter is Light, I've always known. But you just now admitted your guilt."

Light gasped his eyes going wide, was L playing another game? He had to figure a way out of this one and quickly, but how?

"You tried to kill me."

"L, how could I have done so? I was in the task force headquarters when Watari died! And I caught you in my arms!"

L frowned shaking his head his eyes locked on Light's; he shoved him away from him. Light landed on his rear glaring at L.

The shinigami killed Watari!"

Light nodded and knelt on his knees, his eyes studied L's face but his expression remained the same. Tears suddenly welled in L's eyes, he clenched his fists. He had fingerprints on his neck from the hold that Light had on him.

"Watari is gone..he.."

L averted his gaze from Light; he refused to even look at him. Light had never seen l in this state; everything must be hitting him hard. He turned back to Light with a glare in his eyes.

"I will have justice, Kira! One way or another!"

Light blinked and moved closer to L, he wanted to reach out and touch him but he didn't dare. He wasn't sure how L would react, especially now that he knew Light's secret and he doubted that he was even that distraught over Watari. The old man had known the risks when he and L both became involved in the Kira Case; the all knew that one mistake could cost them their lives. L's breath came in short gasps and beads of sweat appeared on his flesh. Light reached out to touch him and placed a hand on L's cheek in an attempt to calm him.

"Calm down, Ryuzaki."

L glared at him with contempt and jerked away from Light's touch.

"Don't touch me! Get away from me Kira!"

L winced as the machines started going off his breathing was ragged and forced, fear showed in his eyes, his breathing then stopped altogether in one short gasp, his eyes rolling into the back of his head and his body going totally limp. Light's eyes went wide; as he saw the events unfold before him.

"Ryuzaki!? Ryuzaki!? ANSWER ME!"

No reply came; Light bit his lip and shook him but got no response, the hospital staff began to flock into L's room. Light just stood there staring blankly into space, vaguely aware of being dragged off L's limp body.

**+LXL+**


	2. Chapter 2Relapse

Chapter 2

-Relapse-

Light began to panic, his hands clutching at the collar of L's hospital gown. He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Someone help me! Come quickly! DOCTOR! Anybody!!??"

He didn't even realize that he was still on top of L; he had lost sense of all rational thought when L had gone limp under him and gave no sign of life. Lights eyes were wide and panic stricken at the thought of L actually being gone. The door swung open as a parade of nurses and doctors entered the room. Light was lifted off of L and ushered to the other side of the room; a nurse had drawn the curtain. He stood there un able to move, his ears picking up metallic sounds and muffled yelling. He heard one doctor yell "CLEAR!" and the sound of electric current hit his ears. He crouched into a ball, covering his hands with his ears. Light did not want to hear them any longer, it made his heart break a little more each time the dull thud of the paddles of life slammed into his skull. Finally after what seemed like hours the heart monitor began to regain a steady rhythm and the curtain was drawn back, the doctors left the room. A nurse made her way over to Light's side and helped him into bed. He laid on his back staring at the ceiling; unconsciously he began to gnaw on his lower lip. The nurse pulled the blankets over him and left the room after she checked his vitals.

Once she was gone light turned his head towards where L lay, he was hooked up to even more machines and his oxygen mask had been replaced. Tears sprang into Light's eyes, both incidents had been his fault, he was also sure that L hated him now and that what had happened was unforgivable. Light narrowed his eyes and began to laugh as Kira once again took over the boys mind, why should he care. Bubbles of insane laughter filled his throat, he had wanted L dead. He growled and pushed Kira back, returning to consciousness, why had he felt so devastated when L went limp? Why the hell did he feel like his heart was breaking? Light growled low in his throat and balled his fists, what type of hold did L hold over him? Nothing made sense any longer, whenever something happened to L like the previous incidents something stirred inside of him. But he had no idea as to just what that something was. Finally Light regained control of himself, but he couldn't stop shaking. Light sat up and placed his feet on the cold tile floor of the room, and made his way slowly over to L's bedside once again.

--LXL--

L looked worse than he had when they first arrived, his skin was a deathly shade of white even his lips were an odd blue color. His breath came in short ragged gasps, each breath he took drained him of more energy than he had at this point. Light reached with a shaky hand and brushed L's cheek softly. His skin felt cold and clammy, almost like death itself, a thin sheen of sweat glistened on the pale ghostly flesh. An IV needle had been placed into his arm, Light chewed his lower lip as he watched the liquid drip at timed intervals, he leaned down close to L's ear. His lips brushing the flesh ever so softly, and whispered into it, he hoped that it would be heard.

"Ruyzaki…I never wanted any of this to happen. I…I didn't want you dead, despite what you or any one else thinks..."

A few tears managed to find their way to Light's eye lids and slide down his cheeks, he shut them tightly. He felt so lost and confused, the tears lightly dripped onto L's flesh. They rolled down his cheek and onto his pillow, Light blinked slightly. Was he seeing things, was L crying as well? He couldn't be. Could he? Light swallowed heavily and deeply. His eyes moved to the heart monitor, the beat was steady yet he could tell that L was fighting. He balled his fists in anger; he had been keeping it inside and needed to release it somehow. He moved to the other side of the room and dug around in the small nightstand near his bed, it was gone. Someone had taken his watch, but when had it happened? Light slammed the door shut; the sheer force of his gesture nearly toppled the small stand over. He tried to remember what had happened but his memory was a complete blur, everything had happened so fast. Light crawled into his bed and lay on his back, his mind reeling. L knew that he, Light Yagami was Kira and had lied to him about everything. How could L ever forgive him for that? He probably never could or would. Light took a deep and shaky breath, turned his head the other way so he didn't have to look at L. He felt that he wasn't even worthy enough to be in the same room as him, everything was his fault. And now L was in a deep coma, and that was also because of him. Sometimes Light felt as though he was fighting against something dark, and sinister inside of him. The bad thing was that Kira was winning, was that what L had called it? Kira? Killer. Light swallowed hard, the only thing he ever wanted was for L to look past it all and forgive him, he doubted that he ever could. Light laid there in self-pity and hatred for himself, he wanted to give up and die. But he knew that he wouldn't even be given that chance, he was forced to stay alive and remember everything that he had done and everything that had happened because of him. The lives he had torn apart, his mind drifted to Raye Pember, he bit his lip hard causing it to bleed. Kira was winning, and Light wasn't sure if he had the strength to fight it, especially without L by his side. Light wanted to just stop fighting and let it take over, he wanted only to die.

--LXL—

The door to the hospital room swung open, showering the dank room in light from the hallway. Light squinted, and then rolled his eyes as he made out the forms of his father and Matsuda. This was not what he needed right now, they were the last two people that Light wanted to see, especially in his current frame of mind. Soichiro sat beside his son's bed, placing his hand on Light's shoulder.

"How are you son?"

Light snorted and averted his gaze from his father, who sighed and removed his hand from the boy's shoulder.

"How do you _think_ I am?"

Light's voice was filled with anger and bitterness; he turned his gaze back towards his father.

"I'm stuck in a hospital, and…"

His voice trailed off, his father wouldn't get it. That was a lot of the issue; his father was not the person he wanted to confide in. He took a deep breath and turned his gaze back towards L on the other side of the room. Soichiro sat back in the chair rubbing his temples. Light was difficult to deal with on a normal basis, but in the state of mind that he was in lately it was even harder. He didn't understand his son; he had given the boy everything he wanted and more. Light got great grades, was at the top of his class, yet he still seemed to want more, but Soichiro couldn't understand, just what it was Light wanted and needed so badly.

"Light what is it that you want exactly?"

Contempt filled Light's eyes hearing his father's question, his fists tightened under the blankets.

"A man like you would _never_ understand what I need or want. You're not home enough to even know!"

Soichiro winced visibly; he was clearly hurt by Light's words. Matsuda was looking at the two of them, shock in his eyes, his jaw gaping.

"Light, what has gotten into you?"

Matsuda's voice had a nervous pitch to it, wringing his hands at his sides. Light smirked in a manicle sounding laughter emitted from him, Soichiro blinked as he stood and unsteadily took a step back away from the bed and stared at his son. His gaze moving from Light to Matsuda and back. He cleared his throat and went back to Light's side, determined to get through to his son.

"Light, what is wrong..?"

The laughter became even louder and started to echo in the room, then abruptly ended as quickly as it had started. Light's eyes fixed on his father a manicle gleam in them and a sadistic smirk on his lips.

"What's wrong you ask? What's wrong!!?"

His voice had an edge of complete insanity in it, and the laughter began once again ending once again abruptly and the smirk was back.

"I'll tell you what's wrong, father"

Light's voice lowered to a low hiss, full of hate and contempt. Those amber eyes fixated on Soichiro.

"I am Kira, I tried to kill L and now look at him! I couldn't even finish my job! And remember Raye Pember and all those detectives? I killed them too!"

Soichiro backed up slightly, tugging at his necktie. Beads of sweat dripped down his flesh. This was not Light Yagami, this was another person. This was a very sick, sadistic, and twisted person.

"L…Light, don't say stuff like that. You're not well, you need medication."

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as the laughter began once again.

"Well, of course I'm not well. L was the only person who understood me! And now he's laying in a coma! Because of what I did! I've killed L and so many other people! I'm KIRA I AM KIRA!!!"

Light hugged himself as he sat up; he began to rock back and forth slowly. His eyes were fixed on Soichiro and Matsuda but they failed to see either of them anymore. Soichiro glanced at at Matsuda. The younger cop seemed terrified, he mumbled something then abruptly left the room. Matsuda swallowed hard as he made his way to Light, he placed a shaky hand on the boy's arm and gave it a squeeze.

"I…It's okay Light."

He narrowed his eyes at Matsuda, his lips set in a thin line. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"It's not okay, Matsuda. I tried to kill the only person who understands me, the only person I…"

Light went silent and dropped his gaze, and refused to make eye contact. Matsuda's brow rose at the abrupt end of Light's sentence.

"Light..do you….do you….love Ruyzaki?"

Light's head rose, amber eyes fixed on Matsuda once again. Unshed tears threatening his eyes.

"Do I make it that obvious Matsuda?"

Matsuda heaved a sigh, he was very unsure of what to say or even do at this point. A wrong answer could send Light tumbling into the deep depths of his soul, and over the edge. He did not want that to happen now that he had gotten the boy to actually talk.

"Matsuda, he won't ever forgive me. Do you know what that's like? Having the person that you love with all your heart and soul, completely hate you?"

Light's head dropped and he held it in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to spill.

"Once L wakes up it will be my execution, Matsuda. I'm a dead man walking. But it doesn't matter, I'm already dead inside".

Matsuda took a seat near Light's bed, he suddenly wasn't afraid of the boy any longer. He was beginning to understand him, understand the depths of his heartache and pain. The feelings were almost overwhelming; he also understood why Light couldn't talk to his father.

"Light, are you saying that you actually are Kira?"

Light lifted his head, gnawing on his already bloody lower lip. Blinking back tears that threatened to fall once more, his voice barely above a whisper. Matsuda had to lean close to even hear the boy.

"Yes, Matsuda. I am Kira…".

Shock registered on Matsuda's face, but he knew at this point that Light was telling the truth. He didn't want to believe it, but something inside him told him it was true. He paled visibly, opening his mouth to respond but the door opened and Soichiro once again entered the room with a nurse, Matsuda and Light fell silent sharing a strange look. The older man scratched his head knowing that he missed something and sighed.

"Light? I've been given permission to take you home"

Light nodded but kept silent, he stood slowly and made his way to the closet and grabbed his change of clothes. He made his way to the bathroom, stepping in he shut the door. He trusted Matsuda for some reason with his secret. Perhaps it was because Soichiro was the last person Matsuda wanted to hurt, and Light's confession would crush his father.

He glanced over at L's bed, then back to Soichiro.

"Matsuda, did something happen while I was gone?"

Matsuda turned his gaze back towards Soichiro, his face was visibly pale. He shook his head, he wanted to tell him but it would rip Soichiro apart. He hated to lie to the chief, but perhaps it was best for now. He knew Light had confided in him and he didn't want to break that small bond they had made.

"Chief, I'm going to stay here with Ryuzaki a bit longer…".

Soichiro nodded, his eyes moving towards the bathroom door, it opened and Light once again stepped into the room. He looked at his father, then at Matsuda.

"Please give me some time alone with L, before I go…"

The two men nodded and exited the room, Light slowly made his way over to L's bedside. He placed a hand gently on his cheek, leaning down he brushed his lips over the cold, clammy flesh. His voice was heart breaking; he choked back sobs as he spoke.

"I'm so sorry Ryuzaki, I hope in time you can forgive me, even just a little. Everything spun out of control, I'm afraid. I can't control it, I thought I could handle this power I was give, but…but…I can't Ryuzaki. I'm so scared, it's taking over. It's only a matter of time before I'm fully gone. I'm getting weaker by the day; just remember one thing for me Ryuzaki…please…"

Light's voice was beginning to break at this point, and his hand shook. He kissed L softly on the cheek, a few tears rolling down his face.

"I…I love you Ryuzaki…".

He stood up and made his way out of the hospital room, Matsuda passed by him on his way out. He gave Light a knowing glance and kept going, his head bowed silently. Light knew his confession was safe, at least for now. Soichiro and his son left the hospital that day heading home, leaving Matsuda with a heavy and sad heart.


End file.
